| stringing words together |
[Oct. 16th, 2009|04:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ALCS commentary | ] |
Lately I've wanted to write a post about the leaves changing colors, but haven't exactly come around to doing it. All those neat little phrases that I may have wrote seemed to allude me now. Not to much has changed for me too dramatically in the passed month or so. I just go to work and my one class I'm class that I'm taking at night(only thing that'll fit my schedule). I hate the fact that if I meet anyone new it seems required that I would have to text them eventually. I really don't like that all to much especially with my plan because it costs extra. I suppose I'm on the poor people plan. That's pretty much what I tell anyone when they ask about my annoyance with texting. Since the football season started I've been obsessed with my fantasy team. This is a little new for me because this is the first year that I've engaged with the act. At first it seemed fruitless, but now that I'm getting the hang of it and winning. I understand my friends' obession. Writing for me has been coming along slowly. There are reasons for this but that situation should change in the matter of a few weeks. I did happen to write a couple of fragments and strung them together. Look below to see.
Automatic facial spasms
Forming a customer friendly smile
Appearing over a blemish free counter
Delivered from a lightly powdered face
Intriguing friendly words
That hobble out clumsily
Doing their best for curiosity
the remorse
That is clearly forced
Hastily accepted
Graciousness perfected
The moment
Pondered over
only a minute it lasted
But replayed and edited
Without any benefit
flickering |
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| a neat fragment |
[Aug. 6th, 2009|11:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | starflyer 59- 20 dollar bills | ] |
The expression fell from his face
He couldn’t drop the thought
She hardly even noticed, running late
He didn’t even move from the spot
Where it all seemed to slow
It all transpired
Without interruption
The evening light colored the clouds
The sidewalk puddles
Were riddles with ripples
The traffic lights took to long to change
She chewed on her pen cap
And turned another page |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2009|03:42 pm] |
i had a dream last night. actually a couple, but the one i remember vividly is the second one. it involved a kitten that resembled a strawberry, but it took me a while to realize it was a kitten. it was ill tempered, and i left it alone. it ate dry food and pretty much ignored me. i was in my living room while this was taking place. then the kitten was gone. then there were a whole bunch of ants everywhere. i mean everywhere to the point where i thought they'd come after me. they were all moving in one direction. a couple clusters of them were holding up mini corn things. like baby corn, if you ever saw it, they use it in asian food. i go to the place where bug spray is kept, but there's only the cap there. hows that for symbolism. the first one was kinda like high school for me i guess. and it took place in a cafeteria like setting. i was with a group of people i didn't recognize, but some how they were significant to me. then something like a land slide happen or a fire and everybody had to evacuate the school. i ran out, but it felt like people were chasing me. i was running down the street with the other student body, i guess you could call them, and saw a trail that no one was taking. the trail was up a sharply slanted hill and you see the footholds to make out the trail. it was raining out. i ran up the hill and saw the others running the other way. the top of the hill was like a platuea, and there was a baseball field. i ran to the end and there like an old time cowboy saloon with the swinging doors. i went inside and hide for some reason. then a group of people came in looking for me, but didnt find me. i came out as they left and wanted to get a drink. then i think i woke up.
i havent had dreams that vivid and could remember that well in long time. i was sleeping on the couch. wonder if that helped. |
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| i love thrift store shopping |
[Jun. 16th, 2009|10:40 pm] |
it feels right just to string a couple of sentences together for today
nothing really different to report
i remember when i had nothing to do except deal with insomnia
i would look at random journals
i don't really do that anymore
and i really dont seem to care
here's the last thing i managed to squeeze out
to be titled...
I haven’t been writing lately
Its as though every time the pen meets paper
All the ink dries up, and nothing can be scribbled out
Ah those days when rhymes would come along easier
Almost stumble through thought
With motive and invention
It couldn’t be fought
But now nothing swirls
There are no opportune gusts
No calm or clarity
A comatose state causes no fuss
So why do we have to find meaning in each other
A question I wanted to pose as we spoke of life
We came to no conclusion
Everything we said wasn’t right
The freeway, the passing cars, daring not to stop
It’ll just get more crowded they’ll have to widen or dig
The summers are growing hot |
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| something or other |
[Apr. 29th, 2009|08:43 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | pink floyd - breathe | ] |
havent really done much lately than go to work and space
theres a farm type dealy by my work
and me and this girl named micah always took note of the cows that lingered there
but for the past week they've been gone
probably there in bits and pieces wrapped in plastic strewn about the county
kinda sad really in several different ways
one that my job can be so boring that watching cows do nothing is exciting
and two the cows were probably slaughtered
tomorrow is like my friday
i swear i enter a time warp when i go to work
lately i havent written as much as i'd like
but this one below is the latest thing that i've typed out
i always get the initial ideas at work...
enter-niddy
I’m as high as a kite in mid-flight and
Everything between the ground and I
is astounding, plummeting like a rain drop
When I smooch the surface I’ll splatter
The mess, well really won’t matter
I won’t really be there for the clean up
They’ll scrape me up in pieces
Gooey hard bits dripping down the drain
Such an act, he must have been insane
This has been a long time coming
I could no longer stand the looks
That anyone would give when they
Just wouldn’t understand
The words that came in order
Which I thought were quite clever
Never came across balanced
They’d fall into an abyss of embarrassment
Resentment later met the unfortunates at the bottom
Wandering around turning things over endlessly
explaining eternity beginning to end
The alpha and the other meaningless one
Would die out as soon as the sun
Decided to implode and so it went
And so it went repeatedly the explanations
Became more drawn out and elaborate
Until the original version of the tail was so obscured
That the ramblings never took on a purpose
I wanted all the pieces picked up and put in order
According to shape and color
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| glum & numb |
[Mar. 3rd, 2009|12:29 am] |
| [ | music |
| | modest mouse- the world at large | ] |
the pacific
In thought
I’m continually caught
Rooted to the same spot
For what feels like hours
But really is only minutes
Reality has no persistence
Or tight hold
To my eyesight or voice
I utter words
Sometimes without choice
The repercussions
Barely grasp attention
Or any further mention
After the incident
And so I just drift
Aimlessly out
Into a sea I can only see
Trapped in a life boat
that’s slowly deflating |
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| sounds like a case of the mondays... |
[Feb. 9th, 2009|11:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mazzy star - take everything | ] |
today was pretty typical. went to work slightly mood elevated and drank tea. had a conversation with a coworker about the boringness of monday. as we were doing that we noticed a farm that was just across the freeway. it seemed sad that the cows had to live by the freeway, especially when everything else had been developed. where i work is like on the edge of the suburbs and the country i suppose. tuesday used to be my least favorite day of the week. i had a number of reasons that i really dont want to recant at the moment. i think tomorrow i'll wake up slightly early to take a jog. i havent really been writing what i want lately, nothing shattering thought. i do usually have a cool idea but i dont write it down and i get busy and i forget it. tomorrow i'll have to deal with more forced conversation.
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| unfinished, havent abandoned it yet |
[Feb. 2nd, 2009|01:24 am] |
Beauty will wither in the wrinkles over the years
vanity will be the death of us all
was written on the wall in reverse
so the reflection could be read correctly
in the mirror
as the people pass by I can only sigh
In all the caresses and costly cleavage
There is the ever presence of uncertainty
The skin will certainly sag
And bear some resemblance to a leather bag
Too many complaints and procedures to add
A white surgical mask stained in red
A steel point of a needle
Pierces the surface without a sound
Counting backwards ten to nine
When you awake things will be more than fine
To find yourself in an unfamiliar bed |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2009|12:51 am] |
The imaginary lines
That you dare not cross
And the others
That cause you to pause
Are truly useful
When they’re completely lost
With no remainders to remind
All the sideways steps
That continually crisscrossed
Needlessly complicated courtesies
The anxiety over retribution
Always considered
And sometimes delivered
The anticipation of the obvious
Engraved in the walls
And dimly lit halls
Rising with the elevator
Expecting no favor
From those you’ve ignored
In those spaced out days
That you can’t recall any name for
All those angles
Can’t be measured with merit
Or even figured out
Just the gently laid plans
Of seclusion seem clear
When all the lines burned on your eyes
Will disappear |
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| you can do what you want to whenever you want to |
[Jan. 14th, 2009|02:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | liv-in room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sentimental | ] |
| [ | music |
| | elliot smith | ] |
Today has been boring as it was yesterday. I don't have to go to work until Friday night. Its been awhile since I wrote an actual post in this journal. I used to be on top of it everyday, and report every little detail. Yet now it seems so irrelevant. I was on myspace just a moment ago. I checked my inbox, and for the past I don't know how long it says i have ten messages unread. This is a little weird. Whenever I receive new messages a little red icon appears. Today there was no icon but I checked anyway out of habit. Then I reviewed all the mail that I've had since I started it. For some reason or another I never deleted anything. There's mail since '04 in it. It kinda made me laugh at some of the stuff that other people wrote me. Some messages were from people I don't see any more. I just have a tendency to drift, without care. I started to wonder why I can just turn my back without a second thought. To really justify it I guess I could admit that its easy, or I just don't like people. I did like those who wrote me at one point. There are still others that I'd like to hang out with again, but wouldn't it seem weird to pop up out of the blue and just do that? To me it does.
About a year ago or more I got a call from this girl Allison I went out with a couple years ago. This was strange because I was told that she killed herself. The person who told me was my bestfriend's ex, and from what I gather she was a little crazy herself. After thinking about it that was the type of thing she would say or do just because. Thats why my friend stopped going out with her. That conversation I had with Allison was weird. I didn't come out and say hey I thought you weren't around anymore, because that'd be rude. She said we should hang out but we never did. And that's what comes to mind when I think about hanging out with people I stopped hanging out with. Its a little bit of a suprise and by the time you say you're going to make plans you know they'll never be executed.
For the past couple of months I have been content of doing nothing on my days off. I'm a lazy person. I like the moments when nothing bad has happened and the day is forgettable. A day like this I'll probably read and play Age of Empires 3. I even turn my cell phone off, because it might mean that I have to get up and go somewhere in which I dont want to do.
I'd like to learn spanish and go to Mexico |
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| i'm workshoppin it |
[Jan. 13th, 2009|03:36 pm] |
The words fail
Just as they’ve done before
Not at all grasping the moment
As they were intended to do
Explanations are owed
The so many stories
That were told and had no end
That couldn’t satisfy questioning eyes
Shrinking down to size
Again
The conversation was forced along
And I feel the person I used to be
Rising inside of me
Like a warm vomit bubble
Adhering to the trouble
It would be so easy to be dismissive
To change the subject
To steer the mass, swerving aside
The moment of being alive
Not at all distinguishable
Again
Its all owed to bondage
The barren look on your brow
Me repeating ‘it happened, I don’t know how’
But now there’s no enthusiasm
To sweep up the mess
I tried to lie my best |
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| i'm not afraid to say i was wrong |
[Dec. 22nd, 2008|02:24 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | living room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mazzy star - free | ] |
i havent written anything here for like a year!
thought i'd put something new down
this year was pretty ok and good as well
it could be both at different times
and suprising
but what year isnt
'this all seems quite pointless
but waheva |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2007|02:02 am] |
the prose obscures
the rows of words
turning the points
apart, failing to start
the gradual thought
a timely progression
of value assessing
cost of loss
words barely tossed
but somehow somehow
never forgotten
yet its easy to see
why not, just at first glance
it isnt, as though
innocence still lingered
at the end of vocal cords
or corners of eyes
the falling away
until tomorrow and today
stripped stripped
left not under a chair
behind the fridge
or on stage a place
that happens to be
anywhere your feet are
but nowhere that can be
described other than the day
it falls on, and its always
on its descent |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|09:41 pm] |
livejournal
for me is more or less dead
so yeah with that being said |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 16th, 2007|02:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | soft drugs- brand new name | ] |
i like the middleness of august
and happy birthday mark
i'm sure you can appreciate the lateness |
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| i wanna sleep now |
[May. 22nd, 2007|03:06 am] |
Three AM
I try to be hardy
But there’s hardly a word
That doesn’t deny
The accusations, a pointed finger
Its true its me
Over and over again
I go through the same
Back and forth file
The same stylized shape
I wait
For matching information
The big transaction
A perfect trait
unexpected smile
I wait for fate to take its time
Insomnia for me is really
Ideas that occupy the time
In which I choose to rest
To sleep, I do my best to fall
At times its not enough, I guess
I often recall what others have brushed aside
As if the moment happened only for me
I think of myself only
Individuals are growing more selfish
And that could begin with me
I know everything
what you repeated to me
what you repeated to me
what you repeated to me
It flashes more often than you’d think
I’ve thought about it all this week
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2007|12:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | elliot smith - strung out again | ] |
it been more than a while since i actually posted anything
so yesterday was cool i guess. i hung out with mike and mark, and nolan. we went to wendys and complained how things there are overpriced now, and it reminded me of old people talking about the good ol days. then it occurred to me that things are moving faster and the good ol days are only a couple years ago and we already miss them. i guess it isnt that great of a relevation its just something to mention.
then mike had to leave. he wanted to go fishing today, but i kinda doubt we're going to do that. i start spring quarter tomorrow, and my sleeping habits still aren't where they ought to be.
in the passed few months i've taken a liking to tea. i liked it before but didnt drink the quantities i'm consuming now.
why does calling people at midnight a little tipsy seem so funny to me?
i hardly remember what we spoke about. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2007|05:59 am] |
i think i'm losing myself to apathy
gently |
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